Crimson Peak (2015)

I would like to give you an early Christmas present.

So here is a review of Guillermo Del Toro's film, Crimson Peak,

featuring Sweeney (above) and Arthur (below).

 Arthur would like to start by making a joke.

The joke is about Crimson Peak being a period drama.

This is because it has lots of people in fancy historic dresses, but also because it has lots of messy red splodgy stuff.

Seriously, though, it isn't, it's a horror movie. We think.

Sweeney isn't entirely convinced it's not a comedy, albeit a really, really boring one.

 The movie features Mia Wasikowska dressing like a small child,

And Tom Hiddleston looking very, very thin and quite troubled.

He has sex with his sister, played by Jessica Chastain, but I didn't want to look for a cat picture to illustrate that.

 Arthur thinks the whole thing plays out like a cross between Jane Eyre and the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Sweeney, however, would like to point out that this analogy makes the movie sound a whole lot more awesome than it actually is.

And that despite being sporadically (presumably unintentionally) amusing, it's actually pretty bloody stupid.

 Sorry, Arthur.