Movie Gauntlet Round 1: I, Daniel Blake (2016) vs Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

Because ideas you get on the bus are the best ideas.

Okay, here's how it works: I compare two movies using various (completely arbitrary) criteria, and declare a winner. I then compare said winner to the next movie I watch. Winning streaks will be tallied until I get bored of it, or until the next idea I have when I'm bored on the bus.

Today's contenders are:

I, Daniel Blake - Ken Loach tackles the quiet horror of the lives of those failed by the UK's overstretched social security system.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 - Chris Pratt and crew have more happy spacey funtime adventures to the tune of 70s and 80s cheese-pop.

 
VISUALS

IDB: Loach is more interested in telling a story than creating a spectacle, and fair play to him. The cinematography here is resolutely unobtrusive, serving the narrative in determinedly un-flashy style.

GOTGv2: On the one hand, this one's definitely upped its game on the original, which occasionally seemed to go out of its way to make interesting settings mundane. On the other hand, there's way too much unnecessary messiness in service of the 3D gods. Oh, and they do that really skin-crawly thing where an older actor is CGI de-aged and it's as creepy as all get-go.

Winner: I, DANIEL BLAKE



SOUNDTRACK

IDB: May or may not have had a soundtrack; I have no recollection either way.

GOTGv2: Shamelessly mixes classic feelgood hits with swirly blockbustery orchestral stuff. Technically about as subtle as a brick, but the writing and performances are strong enough that it doesn't overwhelm. 

Winner:  GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 2 

PERFORMANCES

IDB: Subtle, naturalistic and quietly affecting.

GOTGv2: On the good side of serviceable, with spot-on comic timing, but marks deducted for two cameos from Stan Lee and one from David Hasselhoff

Winner: I, DANIEL BLAKE

WRITING

IDB: Not as subtle as you might have hoped for.

GOTGv2: More subtle than you might have been dreading.

Winner: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 2
 
LAUGHS

IDB: A couple of grins.

GOTGv2: Tries a little too hard at first, but soon settles into a consistently amusing groove.

Winner: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 2

TEARS

IDB: Suffers from being a bit obvious, but eventually left me a sobbing wreck as Loach presumably wanted.

GOTGv2: Left me discreetly sniffly about every 20 minutes or so until the third act, at which point I just dissolved - no idea whatsoever whether this is what director James Gunn wanted. I'd like to think he's a kind man and wouldn't be happy to know that I saw it two hours ago and still keep getting choked up every fifteen minutes or so.

Winner: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 2 


POLITICS

IDB: Absolutely golden, but gold's pretty heavy if you get too much of it. This one is pure political polemic, which is fine by me but might not appeal to everybody. Scrapes through the Bechdel test just barely.
  
GOTGv2: Explanation: I'm trying to judge both these films by the standards of their own genres (mostly). This one's actually pretty respectful even by general Hollywood standards, let alone as a superhero flick. Obviously everybody's going to have a problem with something, but I really loved Gunn's stubborn refusal to sexualise his female characters beyond the demands of the plot. It doesn't quite pass the Bechdel test (absolutely everybody in the film has major daddy issues) but Gamora, Nebula and Mantis never feel like window dressing or a crutch for the male leads.                       

Winner: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 2


VERDICT

Okay, so I was never going to be anything other than biased here. I don't think I've ever pretended that I watch movies for any other purpose than escapist fun, and for this reason alone I was never going to give Daniel Blake the higher rating.

That said, there's a lot to like about Guardians, just like there was about the original  - it's a character piece first and foremost, with the sci-fi action primarily window dressing. Moreover, much as I hate to admit it, it's probably the subtler film of the two, if only because Gunn doesn't have such an important point to put across. Not a film to change the world, but one I suspect will make a whole lot of people feel just a tiny bit happier - that has to be a good thing, right?

CURRENT WINNER: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Vol 2 (1 win)

 


 

I, Daniel Blake (2016)

So, I wanted something to wash all that Fast and Furious out of my mouth, and Lego Batman wasn't yet available. That was fine, I was prepared to be flexible, and I still had a bunch of stuff on my watch list, so I moved to the next title along.

I'm honestly not sure why I thought something by Ken Loach would be a good idea. Nothing against the man, not in the least - his politics is my politics, and I love him for continuing to do what he does. Now more than ever, I wish I could convert my intense anger into something more useful. What worries me about him, though, is a nagging suspicion that most of what he does consists of preaching to the converted, and that the people who most need to hear his message are the ones who'll never ever be persuaded to pay attention.

Like I say, I'm a Loach evangelist, but I don't tend to watch his movies, because my preference is for films that make me happy.

I, Daniel Blake was never, ever going to have a happy ending. It tells the story of one fiftysomething man's journey through the nightmare labyrinth of the UK benefits system, trying to gain the financial support he needs when his medical team insist a heart attack has left him too sick to work but the Department for Work and Pensions disagree.

It's been a while since I was last at the JobCentre Plus, but I recognised the staff I saw  there - the sadists, yes, absolutely, who practically creamed their knickers at the chance to trip you up on irrelevant technicalities, but also the kinder souls who did their best to help in the face of a system that was fundamentally broken. I was invited to an assessment centre as the initial stage of an interview to work there, even - twice. Twice, I passed the initial literacy and numeracy tests. I was invited back twice. Twice, I made my excuses, because I was pretty sure the only thing that would destroy me faster than being a client there would be to be forced to treat people the way I was treated week after week after week.

As I expected, this one hit me hard. In some ways my prior experience made it easier, I suppose - I'm not sure how I'd have coped if it had been a surprise. As it was, I sobbed my heart out at the lives I saw slowly stultefying there and the crashing waste of human potential. This isn't something anybody deserves.

I was going to end on some flippant comment about still feeling better than directly after my Vin Diesel marathon earlier today, but I think there's something more important I need to take away and I want it written down in black and white as a reminder to myself.

I need to stay angry. We all need to stay fucking angry.

The Fast and the Furious, Vols 1-7

...Yes, you did read that correctly. I thought I'd quit writing this blog due to work commitments, but Mr. B knew better - knew, in fact, that all it would take to get me back on board would be a suitably stupid challenge. If he'd told me to just review one of the Fast and Furiouses, I'd have told him to piss off. Seven in a weekend, though? That sounded temptingly like masochism.

Look, I won't pretend I gave all of them my full attention, okay? You know that thing where people can read words no matter how jumbled they are provided the first and last letter are in the right place? I figured that would probably apply. I focused fully on the first one and the last one, but everything in between? A merciful blur, except for Tokyo Drift (#3?), which was genuinely, irredeemably shit.

It was interesting to watch the shifts in scale and tone, at least, as the original's low-key street racing action gradually gave way to guns, girls, more guns, more girls and finally full-on Bond-style stunt impossibilities. 

At the heart of it all, though, almost inevitably, these films are a love story, a tribute to the unforgettable romance between former cop Brian (Paul Walker) and rough diamond Dom (Vin Diesel). Yes, it's made abundantly clear from the very first scenes that these guys would cheerfully fuck their cars given half a chance (or one another's cars, for that matter), but this is as nothing compared to the protracted longing looks they exchange each and every time one of them overtakes the other. True, Brian does eventually hook up with Dom's sister, but it's pretty obvious that he's decided to settle.

What all the films have in common is some seriously tasty stuntwork, which goes a long way towards mitigating the casting director's predilection for using movie stars over actors. I'm not sure Diesel utters a single convincing line, but he has a near-unsurpassable talent for combining toughness with tenderness, and I'm not sure more than that is ever required. True, to quote Mr B, he looks like the Iron Man Mk. 1 suit to the Rock's Iron Man Mk. 42, but when Dwayne Johnson finally does show up ( in #5?), he definitely lacks Diesel's bloodhound sweetness. As for the late Mr. Walker? He's as earnestly blonde a hero as you're ever likely to need.

I feel as though there's more I should be saying here, so I'll point out that I liked the first one best. It was simple, it was understated, relatively, and it actually took the time to create likeable, relatable female characters. I cared about the protagonists at that stage, and the climactic action scene had a genuine, nail-biting tension that I really enjoyed.

I liked the 7th instalment, too, because the stunts were so delightfully overblown, although it did cause a moment of worry when I realised I'd spent so long marinating in testosterone sweat that I was starting to find Jason Statham mildly sexy.

If you're the sort of person who likes these you'll probably have seen them already, and fair play to you - there's definitely worse viewing out there, although I've not seen any of it in a while. If you're the sort of person who doesn't, then there's no need to worry you've missed out.

Signing off for now, but hopefully I'll be back with some thoughts on the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel. Just don't blame me if those thoughts turn out to be a 4-page transcription of assorted delighted squealing noises, okay?

Sausage Party (2016)

Well, that sure was... something, I guess? Bad puns aside, I can't imagine a way to make a movie about anthropomorphic food, well, tasteful. Going in, I was prepared for poor graphics, ribald humour and hopefully some halfway-thoughtful social commentary. Clunkily offensive racial and sexual stereotypes, though? Not so much. It's the sort of thing that Parker and Stone can pull off, but their excesses are always backed up by genuine anger and equally genuine heart.

Some big names attached to this one, too, and some small miserly part of me feels let down by the likes of Ed Norton, Kristen Wiig and Paul Rudd. The only good thing I can say about this embarrassing piece of trash is that it prevented me having to watch Burton's Corpse Bride.

(IMDB link)

Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

Got a little bit of Disney horror to offer you today, courtesy of Ray Bradbury. This one comes from the company's awkward phase, when they were trying to prove they had more to offer than cosy family animation. Something Wicked actually is pretty cosy, though, at least in the early stages, with its nostalgic imagery and small boys running through the fallen leaves. Soon enough, however, Jonathan Pryce's Mr. Dark comes to town with his Pandemonium Carnival. As is frequently the case, the movie turns out to be less about small boys and more about middle-aged men. It's none the worse for it, though, with fine performances from Jason Robards and a near-mute Pam Grier.

Good stuff, but a quick warning: it may be a little too intense for the smallest ones.

(IMDB link)

Dragonheart (1996)

Completely coincidental, but this one's also about experimental organ transplant surgery. I hadn't seen it in a little over twenty years, chiefly because it was so unrelentingly awful when I saw it at the cinema. There's little to recommend it other than some serviceable effects work, plus a surprisingly menacing performance by David Thewlis as the evil king Einon. Mr. B. commented that this was shit 80s fantasy that just happened to have been made in the 90s, and with the muddy colour palette, generic Scottish setting and near-universally halfarsed acting, I feel this is a fair summation.

(IMDB link)

Fatal Experiments: the Downfall of a Supersurgeon

Fancied something immersive this evening, so I went for the above three-part documentary, which was on Iplayer as part of the BBC's excellent Storyville strand. Annoyingly, however, having watched it, I find the web has bugger all information to offer, not even the bloody director. So, here's the skinny: while the story made for interesting viewing it probably didn't require three full hours of programming, a reasonable chunk of which was re-caps.

The main lesson I learned from the whole thing was that putting plastic windpipes into people almost always causes them to die a slow, horribly agonising death. So, kids, don't go putting plastic windpipes into people no matter how much they ask.